Chapter Two: The Do's (and Do Not's) of a First Date

Before I get into any actual date stories, I thought I'd share a helpful list of rules based on some of the more eventful (good and bad) first dates I have experienced. This goes out to you BOYS out there, but will probably also be entertaining to girls who've had similar trials and tribulations to mine.

So, guys, when it comes to a first date...

*DO pay.

It sucks, it's a double standard, and it's probably pretty outdated, but the fact is that paying on a first date is the chivalrous thing to do. It shows your date that her time is worth the cost of a cup of coffee, a meal, whatever. She'll probably offer to pay or at least split, but in my opinion the gentlemanly thing to do is refuse this offer and take care of it yourself. It might sound harsh, but it's the truth! Ask your girlfriend.

**DO NOT show off.

While opinions may vary on this one, I personally do not like feeling as though the guy I'm dating is putting on a show for me. This includes incredibly pricy dinners, or taking me somewhere incredibly exclusive just so I can see that you're "on the list," or ordering in another language to show how cultured you are. While these things would all probably be fine on the second or third or fourth date, it feels like too much pressure to "measure up" if it's on the first. I don't want to spend the whole date worrying that I don't bring enough to the table! 

*DO open her doors.

This goes along with that first rule up there. It's just chivalrous and gentleman-like and shows your girl that you respect her and want to treat her like a lady. You do, right?! If so, then it doesn't hurt to open up a door or two. Yes, we can open them ourselves and yes, this is also an outdated ritual, but you'd be surprised at how much such a small gesture can affect a date. 

**DO NOT open her blouse.

Since we're going with the gentlemanly theme here, I just want to say that trying to get into someone's pants on the first date is not something that generally leads to a relationship. As tempting as it might be, a little self control goes a long way toward showing a girl that you're into more than what's under her clothes. 

*DO observe basic table manners.

So, remember that scene in Beauty and the Beast where they are sitting down to dinner and the beast is learning how to use silverware? If you've never seen it, it's not a pretty sight. I once had a date who held his spoon pretty similarly to our four-legged friend, basically shoveling his food into his mouth, and that wasn't a pretty sight either. Obviously some food is already messy, but as little mess as possible is ideal for the first date.

**DO NOT observe other women.

Pretty self explanatory, guys. And as smooth as you probably think you are about sneaking a peek at the waitress or the group of hotties at the next table, we notice. Really.

*DO talk and listen.

This one just means that you boys should be capable of a decent, two-sided conversation where both people are engaged and interested in what is being said. No one word answers, no painfully awkward silences, no rambling on and on about yourself and your dog and your ex and your mom and your fantasy football league without asking her a single detail about herself. 

**DO NOT talk incessantly about your last relationship.

While holding a decent conversation is important, it is equally important that said conversation is not dominated by talk of your past relationship(s). If a girl is given the impression that you are already thinking about another woman on the very first date, let alone someone you've been intimate with, that doesn't set a good tone for the rest of your courtship. 

*DO go for the kiss... on the cheek. 

Even though I have been guilty of kissing on most a few of the first dates where I've felt a connection, I have found that I am always more drawn to the dates where this does NOT happen, especially if I felt there was a mutual attraction. A kiss on the cheek is perfect because it signals interest, but still keeps things PG until the two of you get to know one another a little better. 

**DO NOT go for a second date if you know you're not interested.

 This is actually one of my most important rules. As much as it sucks not to hear from a guy after one date, it sucks a lot more after two, especially if I was interested. If you know for a fact that there's no connection, then just leave it at one date. Of course if you're not sure if you like someone and feel like you need another date to test the waters then by all means, test away, but sometimes you just know it's not going anywhere... And if that's the case, please don't act like it is!

...And there you have it, folks. There are probably a million more "rules" I could share with you, but those are a few of the big ones, for me anyway.

Have any do's/do not's to add? I'd love to hear them!