Chapter Five : The Awkward Coffee Date Edition

So since the last post was about a terrible date with a coffee shop employee, I think there are a few things to be said about my awkward dates at the actual coffee shops. There are a few of them, and I think they speak for themselves, so without further adieu, I give you the stories of Weird Tattoo Guy, Mr. Flamboyant, and Sweatpants Guy.


Weird Tattoo Guy. The reason this guy was weird was not because he had tattoos... I actually really like them, usually. I have one, lots of my friends have one (or several), so that is not the issue here. The reason this guy was weird was the nature of his tattoos, where they were, and what he had to say about them. First off, this guy was a high school English teacher, and his most visible tattoos were two completely solid bands about an inch and a half thick around his forearms, very close to his wrists. Think of them like matching bracelets. Not the first tattoos I'd imagine a high school teacher to have, but okay! The weirdest part about it was that he complained about people always asking what they meant - that it was "personal" and he couldn't stand it that people couldn't just understand that and not ask all the time. This was the most heated he got about anything in our otherwise painfully awkward conversation... The thing is, I am all for people having tattoos with private meanings, but shouldn't they be kept in a place more private if that is the case? If you're wondering, I didn't ask what they meant... I was too scared he'd get upset with me, too!

Mr. Flamboyant. Ok, first of all, I have many gay friends. I love them, they are wonderful, and I would gladly hang out with any of them any day of the week. That said, when I go on a date with a guy, I'd kind of prefer it if he were attracted to my own personal gender, which is female if you haven't caught on to that little detail yet. So, when I went on my date with Mr. Flamboyant, I was a little surprised. At first I thought maybe I could put the way he was acting into the, "Oh he was just in theatre growing up" category or the "Maybe a feminine guy will understand me better as a woman" rationalization... But the more I sat on that date, the clearer it was that he would rather be on one with the cute guy behind the counter... No, he didn't actually flirt with the cute guy behind the counter, if you're wondering - at least not while I was there! The way he crossed his legs, the way he held his straw as he sipped his drink, and the tone of his voice were all very delicate, and I just did not get the vibe that this guy was into me (or into girls) at all.

Sweatpants Guy.  Generally, when I get ready for a date, I like to put a little effort into my appearance. I put some makeup on, I wear an outfit that I feel cute in, and I try to do something nice with my hair. While I don't expect makeup (I'd hope not) or elaborate hairstyling from my gentleman callers, I would at least like to know that they are excited enough about the date to put on some real pants. Tall order, right? That was not the case with Sweatpants Guy, as he showed up to the date wearing baggy grey sweats and a black hoodie, with his hair still a little damp from the shower he'd taken before we went out. I know we were just going out for coffee, but come on!! Have I mentioned that this guy was 35? He should have known better. Actually, he even mentioned his appearance, justifying it by saying that I seemed like a "cool enough girl not to mind." For the record, I was. So before you judge me for judging this guy based on what he wore, I would like to highlight the fact that I totally would have gone out with him again, but he never called. For that he is just Sweatpants Guy, now and forever.

What about you guys? Any other awkward coffee dates out there?